The Loneliest Planet

Two reviewers attempt to get the blood circulating in their buttocks again.
Two reviewers attempt to get the blood circulating in their buttocks again.

A lovey-dovey couple are backpacking in Georgia, with all its picturesque post-Soviet crumbling concrete. Presumably they’re here because they’ve been absolutely everywhere else in the world already, but don’t expect any explanations.

They hire a dodgy-looking guide and head to the hills. Where they walk. And walk. You don’t see much of the allegedly scenic landscapes, but you see them walking. Lots. Minute after real-time minute of them traversing various nondescript hillsides in the distance.

Then something happens to make them question their relationship.

Oh, and now we’re back to walking. And camping. Some drinking. A campfire song! And now, a long, long take by torchlight of the back of the woman’s head as she retches.

We expect ‘arthouse’ movies to focus on the human condition rather than plot, but this, um, rambling film could have been wrapped up on both counts in 30 rather than 113 minutes. 4/10

Released March 21, 2013.

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